We hear all too frequently about the devastating escalation of “bullying” in
today’s society – young lives destroyed forever, families ripped apart, and a
pattern of violence that seems to be ever increasing. Concerned parents and
teachers need to be informed about recognizing and dealing with bullying, and a
new book from authors Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis provides a great
resource.

Milton’s Dilemma (Providence Publishing, June 2004, hardcover,
32 pages) tells the story of ten year old Milton and his struggles to fit in at
a new school. Written in an engaging fashion and featuring eye catching
illustrations, the book shows Milton’s varying reactions to the harassment he
faces and his struggle to make the correct decision about his tormentors. This
book doesn’t duck tough issues, providing an excellent springboard for
conversations in your home or classroom with elementary school age children.
Additionally, through their web site at href="http://www.joyfulproductions.com">www.joyfulproductions.com and their
school presentations, the authors are busy working to advocate for children’s
literacy and safety issues.

Authors Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis
share the following perspectives on their book and on confronting the issue of
bullying.

Q: Patricia Gatto and John De Angelis, authors of Milton’s
Dilemma, please tell our readers a bit about your family.

A: Johnny and I
are married and live at Lake Wallenpaupack in the Pocono Mountains with our
16-year-old son, Alexander. Family is our top priority. We draw our inspiration
from love and laughter, and get our strength and courage from the support we
receive from our extended family ties.

Q: I read that John has childhood
experiences related to bullying. What prompted you to write Milton’s Dilemma and
what message would you hope to spread through this book?

A: Originally,
Milton's Dilemma started out as an entertaining story about a young boy who had
trouble making friends. However, since we write as a team, once we have a basic
story idea, John and I begin developing the back-story (history) of the
character(s) as part of our process.

When you write with a partner, it is
important to come to an agreement early on about the goal of the piece you are
writing. Focus and direction are even more important when you are collaborating,
or it will impede the process and you will end up spending your writing energy
on winning an argument. So, before we get down to the actual writing, we talk
and take notes.

In the particular case of Milton's Dilemma, as we
explored our main character's difficulties in adjusting to a new school, John
shared with me an incident of bullying that occurred when he and his brother
were young. It quickly became apparent that this time in their lives played a
significant role in their own character development. That led us to research
about the affects of bullying. This research, combined with John's experiences
flowed over to our character development. From that point, the tone of our story
took a turn and our entertaining tale found a message and purpose beyond the
original concept.

Experts estimate that almost 75% of today's youth will
be involved in some aspect of bullying before they enter high school. Lack of
safety is a top concern for young people, and bullying is a real and constant
threat. A child's emotional development is just as important, if not more so,
than academic development. In fact, a safe, healthy emotional environment is
essential to academic growth and success.

The message we hope to convey
is that bullying is a form of harassment and violence. The consequences can have
lasting repercussions. By developing Milton's character and exaggerating the
extreme situations he encounters, we hope to gently evoke sympathy and
understanding so that the child reader can see (and feel) those repercussions.
We hope that through our story, children will not only be entertained by the
fantasy element of Milton's Dilemma, but that they will also recognize their
similarities and gain the courage and strength to celebrate their uniqueness and
reserve judgment until they truly get to know one another.

Q: Please
discuss the plot of the book for readers who have not yet read Mitlon’s
Dilemma.

A: A ten-year-old boy named Milton Hastings, Jr. moves to
Smithville, a common occurrence for his military family. This move is without
his father, who died a war-hero. Milton struggles with the changes around him
and has difficulty making friends. He quickly becomes a target for the school
bullies. 

Milton wants to get back at the bullies, but a mischievous
gnome named Duffy McDoogle guides Milton on a journey of friendship and
self-discovery. This journey allows Milton to choose his own path, to learn the
consequences of his actions and to realize just how special he
is. 

Q: Why is Duffy’s role significant to Milton’s story?

A:
Duffy McDoogle is a magical gnome who speaks in rhyme. He appears to Milton in
the form of a dream after Milton vows to get even with the school bullies. This
character acts as Milton's conscience, initially pushing and prodding Milton,
but ultimately, Duffy's magic helps Milton to see what the consequences of his
actions would be. Duffy's character is very dear to me; he represents my Mom and
her wisdom.

Q: Are there signs a child may exhibit if he or she is being
bullied, but is afraid to speak with a parent about it? 

A: Children
usually set off little signs by complaining about taunting and teasing from a
classmate, but parents tend to dismiss this as commonplace. If these subtle
complaints are ignored, it could be the only time a child will speak up. Victims
of bullying feel ashamed and tend to view themselves as failures.

If you
notice that your child is hesitant to go to school, or if your child complains
about stress related illnesses such as headaches and stomachaches, these are
warning signs that something isn't right. If your child comes home with
unexplained bruises or scratches, or torn clothing, question them immediately.
If personal possessions are "lost" or missing, or if your child is hungry after
school, it could mean a bully is taking their possessions, lunch or lunch
money.

We should always be concerned with a change in our child's
demeanor. Agitation, unexplained anger, and withdrawal are also signs.
Humiliation, fear, anxiety and depression are the constant companions of a child
that is bullied. It can lead to harmful, shocking and unexpected behavior from
an otherwise shy or timid child. In extreme cases, the victim of a bully can
experience sever depression and entertain thoughts of suicide.

Q: What
steps should a parent take if he or she feels that their child is being
victimized by bullying?

A: If your child won't open up, but you suspect a
problem, speak with the school to find out if anything unusual has happened. Be
diligent in your search for answers. Your child has a right to a safe and
healthy learning environment.

Because there is a strong likelihood that
your child will be exposed to bullying behavior, whether it is as a victim or
bystander, parents should prepare their child beforehand.

• Teach your
child to walk tall and proud and to maintain eye contact. Portraying a positive,
self-confident stature will help your child cope in many areas.

• Be
certain to compliment your child and gently encourage changes that will bolster
self-esteem. Use positive words that validate his or her rights as a
person.

• Use role-playing techniques to illustrate proper responses to
negative situations. This will build strength, courage and provide your child
with valuable emotional resources to pull from in times of trouble.

•
Help your child to identify role models, from sports heroes to everyday man.
Discuss the obstacles and accomplishments they endured, focusing on the
resilient human spirit.

• Read stories together that inspire. Discuss how
strength of character and perseverance can achieve a positive outcome without
resorting to violence or force.

• Encourage your child to keep a diary or
journal, write poetry or songs. Writing provides a safe outlet for your child
and creativity and self-expression are helpful tools used to work through
negative issues.

• If your child has difficulties making or maintaining
friends, intervene - friendships are a protection against bullying. Identify
children that might have things in common with your child and arrange a
visit. 

• Encourage your child to join activities both in and out of
school that will result in friendships while building strength and
confidence.


Q: How can we proactively decrease instances of bullying
with future generations?

A: Become involved and make certain your school
has active anti-bullying policies in place. Disciplinary guidelines, procedures
for investigating and reporting incidences of bullying, adequate supervision,
and an immediate plan of action to address reports of bullying are key elements
to a successful program.

Q: How can families promote non-violent means to
settling disputes between children?

A: When your child is involved, it is
difficult to separate emotions from the equation, but it is essential to
maintain some distance. It is natural for children to argue and disagree, vie
for position amongst peers, and at times, satisfy their need for acknowledgement
at the cost of others. When you witness unacceptable behavior:

•
Immediately stop the bullying by standing between the children involved and
explain family and house rules in a matter-of-fact tone. For example, "That was
bullying. In our home, we solve our problems by discussing them, not hurting
each other. I will not allow this behavior."
• Don't ask what happened or
demand that each child tell their side of the story. This should be done
privately. It can be very uncomfortable for the victim to speak up. Since
bullies are aggressive, it will make your child feel tormented all over
again.
• Don't ask for apologies or for the children involved to make amends
in the heat of the moment. Separate them for a time and allow a cooling off
period. Chances are, they will want to get back to playing and will make amends
on their own.
• Keep a close watch on future playtime. Remain in close
proximity and intervene at the first hit of trouble.

Your own actions are
the true teachers. Be aware of your responses, especially when your children are
present. If you argue and verbally strong-arm the clerk in a grocery store for
ringing up an item incorrectly, 

Q: Please share some of the work
you are doing in schools to promote literacy and to decrease bullying.

A:
Johnny and I developed a school program based on our book and research. The
program features an animated reading of our story, personal experience, original
songs and an anti-bullying slideshow presentation. We also have a lesson plan
with worksheets, puzzles and art projects. 

Q: Has music and writing
been a healing means of dealing with past bullying experiences?

A: John
was a shy child and music was his solace. From a very young age, when something
was troubling him he would lock himself in his room and write songs to express
his emotions. He took his childhood experiences and wrote the songs for our
presentation from each point of view. The children relate to him because of the
honesty he conveys thorough his music. We strongly encourage the pursuit of
creative endeavors such as writing and art to help a child with self-expression
and confidence. 

Q: Are there any additional thoughts or comments
you’d like to share with our readers?

A: Literacy, bullying, prejudice
and crime have direct correlations. Foster and promote literacy in your home.
Share the magic and joy of reading with your child at a young age and continue
to promote it always by making special trips to the library and giving books as
gifts. When you hit a bump in the rocky road of parenting, you turn to others
you respect for advice. If you need to get a point across to your child, but
struggle with the words, use a book or story to help get your message across.